The Highly Sarcastic Version of Isabella's Revenge
by AvrilSays
Summary: 70 years after Edward left, Isabella is back in action, with an impossibly powerful coven of immortal children and teenagers. There are two main things on her mind: To take over the world with her blatant overuse of sarcasm, and of course; REVENGE.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I like, TOTALLY own Twilight. And guess what, I'm the Queen of England as well! **

**Hey, y'all. This is a re-edit of the edited version. **

**I was dissatisfied with the edited version, so I decided to rewrite the entire story again. Nope, sorry. Until I'm done rewriting every single one of my fanfictions, I will not be updating.**

**Please excuse the blatant overuse of sarcasm.**

Uh, yeah. Hi. I'm Isabella Swan. As you probably have guessed, I'm a vampire. Whoopee.

Well, time to get to know us sparkly, EBIL vamps. Yes, of course, we all are REALLY powerful. No, seriously. Oh, come on! I'm not being sarcastic now...really!

My coven consists of the immortal children Sapphire, Raelain, Benjamin, Caitlyn, Kayla and Ashley, as well as Casey and her boyfriend, Ryan. Jelyne and her sister, Jesselyn are the newest additions to the coven.

They are my siblings, my friends, my helpers, and sometimes, my army. Being the leader of the coven is no easy task, I can tell you. If I didn't have the power of absorbing and removing powers, they would have easily overpowered me with their unique and awesome abilities.

Sapphire can control water. Cool, right? She can make ice if she wants. Handy during the summer. Hey, I don't care -- I LIKE iced blood, whatever Raelain thinks. Iced blood is WAY nicer. Blame me if I get sick of warm blood after a couple of decades.

Raelain has telekinesis. Which is great and all, but is totally annoying when she decides that she wants to 'practice' her power on me.

Benjamin can control and connect minds. Ingenious, I tell you. No more failing tests – All I have to do is look into Caitlyn's mind (she's a freaking GENIUS) and ta-daa! An 'A+', guaranteed.

Caitlyn can resurrect the dead, which is kinda depressing. However, I keep telling myself that when I meet the Cullens, I can kill them ten times over. Useful, huh? Now, if only I could just accidentally bump into them.

Ashley can travel through time. I tell you, it is AWESOME. Sometimes we go on trips to the past and future. Once, we went to the age of dinosaurs. Dinosaur blood is tangy, but sweet. Which is nice, but you get tired of it after a while.

Kayla has invisibility. Awesome when we have to spy on someone. Not so awesome when she's trying to hide. But seriously, that time, when the Volturi cam around, we decided to play with Kayla's power a little – Oh, the look on their faces was freaking PRICELESS.

Casey can transform vampires to human and back again, which is interesting, really. It can be used to make a vampire completely vulnerable, and it can be used as a bribe for Rosalie Hale.

Ryan has prophetic dreams and teleportation. Also, priceless. We teleported ourselves to Pluto once, when Ryan got a vision of us in an ice-covered planet, looking terrified. For some reason, our skin started cracking, so we decided that outer space wasn't a good vacation spot. He kept saying 'I told you so' for the next few weeks.

Jelyne can open portals to other dimensions and places. When we feel bored, we travel to other dimensions. We went to the Harry Potter dimension once – I tried to steal Voldemort's wand, but he saw me, and Avada'd me. Damn him. But still, it was fun.

Jesslyn can freeze time. That means before school, we get to dawdle. And whenever some animal tried so escape, we stop it. Then let it go. And freeze it. And let it go. And freeze it again. And – oh, you get the drift.

I can transfer powers as well. So, apart from borrowing and stealing powers, I get to give away my powers as well. Hey, that sounds like Robin Hood – except I ain't poor.

Oh, yeah. And by the way, we drink both human and animal blood. Human on weekends and holidays, and animal blood on weekdays. Yay for us, then.

"Practice time, people," I ordered. The typical groan. "Casey, you first."

First she made water appear and swirl upwards, and then she froze time, which only affected people she wanted to freeze. The water froze in a beautiful swirly pattern. Then she unfroze time and just as the water and spilling downwards, she froze the water in all its beauty. It smashed to the ground.

Then, using Raelain's telekinesis, she levitated the smashed ice and twirled them around in a transparent shower of jewels. Then she opened a portal to a volcano. She sent the ice inside. The only thing that cam out was lava, which she merged together to form a pretty swirly pattern.

I nodded approvingly. "Raelain."

I continued watching all of their demonstrations and then I yelled, "HUNTING TIME!" Everyone squealed and dashed out. "Not more then three each!" I called after them. Then I went to get a meal myself. I LOVE THE WEEKEND.

After I finished three unsuspecting idiots, I used Benjamin's power to connect our minds. "Meet back at the mansion. We're moving to Canada tonight," I thought. A loud, mental groan echoed through all of our minds. Moving was a tedious but necessary process.

In no time at all, we were back at the mansion. "Raelain," I called. She held up her hands and everything we owned packed themselves neatly into their suitcases. It was a ritual, really -- we stayed at a place for a month, looked around for the Cullens, and moved again.

I drove my sleek black Lamborghini and Ryan used his dark blue Audi R8. I exceeded the speed limit by almost 90mph and we got to the airport in no time at all. Lamborghinis are the best, whatever Ryan says. They're really pretty.

"All flights boarding for Flight 69436C. All flights boarding for 69436C," the announcement blared out of the loudspeakers. That was us. I grabbed my suitcases and we went into the plane, joking and laughing. We were bound to attract attention; I mean, a couple of impossibly beautiful kids in summer clothes during winter?

I plopped down on my seat next to Raelain. I smiled. Maybe the Cullens would be here, I thought as I politely rejected the food from a stewardess. _Keep dreaming_, a voice echoed in my mind. I scowled. _Shut up, Ben._

Three hours of pointless waiting later, we were driving to out new house; a modern, three-story condominium, with a pool and everything. My siblings were extremely excited, and went to check out the glass floor with water underneath that led to a little pond, which was the basement. Casey and Ryan went to pick a room. I went to check the house.

Outside, on the third floor, there was an open-air garden with a swing, lots of plants, and a little stone table in the middle of the grass surrounded by stone stools. It was really beautiful; a place where we could sit in the sunlight without some annoying human yelling, "OMIGAWD – that dude's SPARKLING! Quick, get the FBI!"

I went to check out the first floor, where the pool was. It was quite big, with crystal-clear water. Sapphire had siphoned up some water and froze them into beautiful ice sculptures. I smiled. That girl really had an eye for beauty.

I decided then to give her the best room in the house; a cozy little room she'd had her eye on. Its walls were painted pale blue and white, and it had a sea-view. "Sapphire," I called. She zoomed into the room, looking hopeful. "Can I have this room?" she asked. "Yup!" I said cheerfully. She squealed and started creating ice sculptures to decorate the room.

I decided to take the third floor room. It was really big and the floor was made of black wood. It had a sea view as well and the walls were dark blue and silver. It was quite airy as well. "I call the room on the third floor!" I yelled, and dashed upstairs. I started unpacking, before I noticed the water bed. I squealed and started jumping on it. "I think she's noticed the bed," Raelain murmured. I smiled; they were giving this awesome bed to me?

"Thanks, guys!" I yelled. They all murmured a "you're welcome". I grinned – we hated showing any emotions, really. I grinned, and did a kind of half somersault on the bed, resulting in me landing in a very awkward position. "Hey, watch it! That bed is DELICATE!" Ashley screamed.

Hey, technically, I was eighteen. A girl's gotta have her fun, right?

**Reviews are the virtual equivalent of chocolate chip cookies:) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM.**

**Hey, y'all.  
Okay, this chapter will not have a lot of humor in it. It is meant to be a serious chapter. Plus, I'm not in a very good mood now.**

We were having a great time at the (awesome) pool when Ryan's eyes suddenly flashed crystal blue. We immediately became serious as that meant he was having a vision. Benjamin quickly connected our minds. I was annoyed, as I was about to push Ashley in, but I paid attention to his vision anyway.

[Vision]

A slender but plain brunette was standing in the middle of a mansion, shrieking at the one and only Alice Cullen. She looked suspiciously like me when I was a human. My eyes narrowed.

"What is your problem?! Why can't you just forget about that bitch?!" she screamed at Alice. Alice's eyes were pitch black.

"Because she was a hell lot better than you, Cassie! Hell, anyone would be better than you! You are nothing but a spoilt, arrogant, piece of filth, a disgrace to the Cullen family!" Alice yelled back.

"If you dare tell Edward, I will kill you, Mary," Cassie whispered darkly.

"Try and kill me, Cassie. I'm already dead. Go on, try. And if you insult Edward or Bella ONE MORE TME, I will personally shred you into pieces," Alice murmured, smiling threateningly.

"ISABELLA SWAN WAS A MOTHER FU-" she didn't even get to finish the sentence. Alice had twisted her hand and the bones in her hand had shattered. She shrieked.

"Now, if you don't shut the hell up, I won't take you to the hospital," Alice threatened. "Or will you prefer me to sew your mouth together? I will do it, you know."

Cassie's eyes were blazing, but she shut up. Alice led her to the car. "Don't get any blood on the car," She barked. "How dare you? I'm severely injured here, and you care about-" Alice whipped out a needle and a piece of black thread and Cassie fell silent.

"That stupid, disloyal bitch," Alice muttered. "Bella was a hell lot better then she was."

[End Vision]

"Well. The Cullens are in Canada, then?" I smiled darkly. "We're going to kill Cassie. Tonight. Sapphire, you can go and search. I'm lending you the coven's powers." I touched her hands and they glowed blue. "There. Don't you dare misuse them. Go now."

She disappeared, her pale blonde hair floating behind her. I smiled. _Early weekend for me, then._

[Sapphire's POV]

I was MAD at this Cassie chick right now. I could be happily in my NEW ROOM. But no, she has to be a bitch. Idiotic little girl.

I may look only six, but I was, in fact, half a decade old. I had an eye for beauty, and always made my battlefield into a devastingly stunning field of ice. Then I would use the beauty of my invincible ice to slowly impale them. Then, with a little help from my borrowed powers, I would heat up the ice and they would die a slow, torturous death. The heat from the ice was just as bad as burning the bodies. I insisted that killing should be a beautiful, torturous process.

I was not an amazing fighter, but I had decent speed, due to my small size. It would appear to be teleportation to humans.

Finally, I reached the mansion. I froze the window and it shattered. Hopping in neatly, I looked around. As expected, the mansion was empty.

I looked for a gold room, which Bella told me was Edward's. It was a dull gold, with simply a number of rosewood shelves, a black sofa and a window. The floor was hard stone and the nearly empty rosewood shelves were gathering dust. A beautiful CD player was set in the middle of the room. A few CDs and books lined the shelves. A photo album stood out, as it was silver and pristine.

I grabbed it and flipped through it. It was filled with pages of Edward and Bella. Swiftly, I hid it in my bag. Then I grabbed the CDs off the shelves and stole the one in the CD player.

Then, I searched for the girl's room. I found it and it was sickeningly feminine. It was lilac, and there was a light pink canopy bed, a beautiful mahogany shelf and desk set and fashion magazines lined the shelves.

A closet was filled with clothes and a dartboard with Bella's face hung on the wall. I snatched it and took that, as well as a photo of her and Edward. Then, I saw a cracked silver CD on the floor and took that, as well.

I ransacked the rest of the house and stole an old blue dress with Bella's name on the hanger and a silver heart-shaped locket with Bella's and Edward's photos in it from Alice, a bottle of freesia perfume and a collection of classics from Carlisle and Esme, a collection of depressing songs from Jasper, a portrait of Edward and Cassie with arrows and paint thrown at Cassie from Rosalie and a mini gravestone reading, "MY LITTLE SISTER" from Emmett.

I figured that was enough and ran back home. Bella would be pleased.

[End Sapphire's POV]

**Sorry for the lack of humour in it. R&R, please.**


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